"who gives a f@#k about an oxford comma?"

a very short reflectional novel on what i 
learned in my first year in the school of journalism
and mass communication. 

dedication

to reporting and writing principles, the oxford university

press and ezra koenig. 

forward 

to give a fuck about the oxford comma, or to not give 

a fuck about the oxford comma? that is the question. 

-paraphrased shakespearean soliloquy 

prologue 

part one 

what is an oxford comma?

the oxford comma, noun: a comma used after the penultimate item

 in a list of three or more item, before 'and' or 'or'.

oxford comma, noun: a song by vampire weekend or

a cruel english drama dripping with disdain. 

or that thing that your sixth grade teacher tells you about and your 

freshman writing professor will remind of, that you forget what it's called

but naturally use it in everything you write. 

ex. a 

part two

who gives a fuck about an oxford comma?

&
why do we give a fuck about an oxford comma?

ezra koenig. that is all. 

ex. b 

chapter one: 

 the good english student 

how to be an english student:

1.) pretend you like keuroac. 

2.) pretend to comprehend keuroac. 

3.) use examples from the keuroac texts you "read"

in almost every analysis paper you write.   

the good english student writes at least four sentence paragraphs. the good english student uses the wonderful wealth of adjectives and descriptive phrases they have stored up in their minds. the good english student elaborates and expands upon a concept. the good english students learns how to very creatively fill the ten pages they must write on some terrible book. that terrible book probably being on the road. most importantly, the good english student uses their oxford commas. 

chapter two:

the journalist 

how to be a journalist:

1.) buy a trench coat and carry a notebook, pencil and 

tape recorder with you at all times. journalist or 1950s detective?

the world may never know. 

2.) throw out almost everything you were ever taught do when

writing by your english and history teachers and professors. 

the journalist makes their elementary school teachers and former english professors roll in their graves. the journalist writes "paragraphs" of one to two sentences. the journalist writes everything short and to the point, removing those lovely page fluffing adjectives they spent many years in school learning. the journalist writes all dates in the time, date, place format. most importantly, the journalist never, ever, ever uses the oxford comma. the journalist doesn't give a fuck about an oxford comma. 

chapter three:
the journalism major with an english minor 

how to be a journalism major with an english concentration:
1.) be confused.

the journalism major with an english minor will try to write a two sentence paragraph in their papers on renaissance women and the journalism major with an english minor will get their news stories back with their oxford commas circled and say "who gives a fuck about an oxford comma?". 



epilogue

"to give a fuck about an oxford comma, or to not give a fuck about an oxford comma? that is the question."

in conclusion...

the english student and the english teacher give a fuck about an oxford comma. 
"the strippers, hitler, and stalin" has a very different meaning than "the strippers, hitler and stalin". 

the journalist simply doesn't give a fuck about an oxford comma. 

and...

the journalism major and english minor simply just says, "fuck the oxford comma". 

but...

wouldn't the oxford comma be necessary in a headline about the strippers, hitler, and stalin?

you wouldn't want to tarnish stalin and hitler's reputations with libel about them being strippers would you?