to...

to men and women, you know better.

1.  quit telling girls how they should or shouldn't dress. do not tell them what's "modest", do not tell them what's "slutty". do not make assumptions on a girl's character because of how she's dressed. adults, do not make comments on the way a young girl is dressed. as an adult, you know better than to say those things about someone's child. do not tell them the way they are dressed "wouldn't please god"- you making assumptions on their appearance doesn't please god either. do not tell them they are being a "stumbling block" to boys by wearing skinny jeans, two-pieced swimsuits or any other piece of clothing. women, its important to build other women up, not degrade them based on the way they look. men, to tell a young woman how you think they should be dressed is disgusting and quite frankly pointless because your opinion doesn't matter. 

  2. stop shaming the female body. sex and sexuality are beautiful. the female body is a beautiful body. do not tell them there's something wrong with the idea of female sexuality and their bodies. its important for young women to know that their bodies are beautiful. you shouldn't say anything to make them think otherwise. bodies are god's creation, a beautiful creation. sexuality is also a beautiful creation. 
  
what you should do is teach young women to embrace their bodies and sexuality. teach women to value you their bodies. teach them that they are god's perfect creation. teach them to respect their bodies and set their own moral and personal boundaries. teach them to love themselves, do not teach them to devalue themselves and to hate their bodies through what you tell them about their bodies and sexuality. 

3.  when you tell a young woman how she should or shouldn't dress or write articles on clothing pieces "christian" young women shouldn't wear you objectify a girl by telling her to not wear clothing that causes men to objectify her. you make it all about men, and girls do not dress for men. that's the truth. most importantly, your words have unintended consequences. you can distort a young woman's view of herself and her body image. you may cause her to think that she is not worthy of a caring and decent man. the things you suggest or say can deeply affect someone for a very long time. you have to watch what you say. even if you meant for it to help a young woman see who she is in god's image, it came across as close-minded and self-righteous.  


to a future daughter, 

1. don't let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn't dress, but i'll tell you if its really bad. you can choose to listen, or not. don't let them tell you to not wear leggings or whatever the "immodest" item of the time is because its a "stumbling block" to a man or isn't something a "christian" young lady would wear. never dress for a man and your character and actions should speak for your relationship with god if you choose that religion. wearing a fitted dress doesn't make you a "immoral christian" or "immoral" whatever. its how you choose to behave in that dress that reflects morality or immorality, not the dress itself. 

  just as you shouldn't let others tell you how you should dress, you shouldn't tell other girls or make judgements on their character based on outward appearance. in my opinion, its almost worse for another young woman to label a young girl "slutty" based on their appearance than it is for a man to say so. it's very cliche to say, but don't judge a book by its cover. young women should encourage each other to love themselves. when you judge other people based on their appearance, you're tearing them down either in your mind or to their face. in the same way that i wouldn't want someone to say these things to you, i don't want you saying them about other girls. 

2. your body is beautiful. you won't think so all of the time, most of the time, and i know that. all too personally. i probably haven't set the best example for loving yourself, and i apologise. its important that i try to instill that in you when you are young, so hopefully, you won't think about yourself the way i thought about myself. 

  your body is your body, i hope that you respect yourself enough to not let others disrespect you. you can make your own choices about your own body, and i hope they're choices that respect you and what a wonderful, valuable person you are in my eyes and most importantly god's. 

  at some point, you'll be told things that shame human sexuality, and i hope those words don't come from me. there is nothing wrong with sexuality. i want you to know that. just like you, its a beautiful thing. of course, at a certain age its perfectly alright, but not when you're too young. there's nothing wrong with showing off your body a little because you feel good about yourself. 

  i want you to feel good about yourself. i don't want you to be objectified by men or by religion- because yes, both men and religion objectify women in different ways. i want you to know that you are a worthy child of god, a beautiful creation and someone who needs to love themselves before they can let someone else love them. that's the most important yet hardest thing to do. in order to be loved by someone, you first have to love yourself as god made you. 

- gracie